Lessons From Celebrity Deaths - Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson

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As a psychotherapist living in Los Angeles and an avid reader of the news, I suppose I should say something about the recent deaths of three American iconic figures: Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson.

From a mental health point of view, or even a "life management" point of view, obviously Michael Jackson stands out, and a therapist could write for eons about those issues for analysis.

My take on these deaths, and I'll be brief, are thus: When I think of the loss of Ed McMahon, long-time (30-plus years) sidekick to Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show", is the thought that, hey, we can't ALL be "Johnny" in this world. Some of us have to be Ed McMahon. We have to be less pretty, less acccomplished, less wealthy, less adored, less regarded, whatever - than some of the people near us. Anyone who has ever been "not" famous and married/partnered to a person who is famous, knows this. But did Ed McMahon have a bad life?

I don't think so. By all accounts, he was a millionaire celebrity in his own right, with various marriages and children. He also hosted very successful shows on his own, with nary a Johnny in sight. So when we think that maybe we aren't as famous and the Number One Star as perhaps we wish we could be or could have been, we have to tip our hat to Ed McMahon, and all the "Ed McMahons" like him, not to mention the bazillion unsung heroes who weren't even as famous as Ed McMahon was. Sometimes, we have to be a star in our own world, in our own way, with no millions, no fame, no notoriety. And you know what? That ain't such a bad life. Most people in the world fall into that category.

With Farrah, as a cancer survivor myself (2002), I have to admire her not just for being a bombshell beauty of the 70′s, but also as a hero to those facing cancer bravely. I've lived 19 years with HIV, and watched dozens of friends die from HIV/AIDS, and I STILL say that cancer is worse - it is THAT bad (thought it's not a contest here; HIV is no picnic, guys, so don't get sloppy on the safer sex, OK?). So for Farrah to show persistence, courage, and bravery as a cancer patient, that makes her a hero, not anything that she might have done in the employ of Aaron Spelling or any other studio. I also admire how, artistically, she went from being frankly a not-very-good actress, to studying hard and learning to hone the craft so that by the time she did "Extremities" and "The Burning Bed", she was decent, at least. It shows you that hard work and training is a worthy investment, regardless of the field you are in. Working to get better in your skills in your chosen field is always a noble pursuit. That's why I admire Farrah - she's just full of "noble pursuits". I hope she really rests in peace; she seemed really sweet. Who knows if anyone will ever write a book stating otherwise.

And for Michael Jackson, what can I say that hasn't been said? He reportedly had major developmental trauma, and possibly other traumas in his history, that include speculations of sexual molestation; substance abuse; and more sycophants around him ("Yes Men") than in the history of humankind. He's also in the same category as Elvis and (my beloved) Judy Garland, stars who became addicts in the midst of their stardom in a way that ultimately took their lives prematurely. It's just tragic all around. He is to be admired for the amazing phenomenon that is talent, where God or Nature or whatever bestows a certain ability or abilities that Mesmerize us in fascination and beauty, in Jackson's case, his singing and dancing and ability to captivate a global-sized audience.

Observing a great talent in action is one of the wonderful things about being alive. But because I work with SO many guys who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, I reserve my sympathies for Jackson because I hold doubts that he's innocent of seriously abusing young boys. I just think that he MIGHT be guilty, and that he fled the country to escape scrutiny. Surviving from sexual abuse is one of THE hardest conditions that I help my clients with. And while I can help them to heal with certain trauma recovery techniques I've been trained in and have learned to apply with hundreds of case examples and outcomes, I still hold antipathy to ANYONE who indulges his sexual impulses at the expense of a non-consenting person. Age of consent issues are controversial, and not ALL teen-adult relationships are harmful, as discussed in "Harmful To Minors", a great book on the subject.

However, if Michael Jackson harmed ANY of the young boys in his care, either through an "innocent" naivete, or through an arrogant, entitled, Narcissistic self-indulgence, then he is to be held in contempt for it - just as if he weren't mega-rich and mega-powerful; just like the people who are incarcerated for such crimes. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say rest in peace, but not without wishing the same amount of peace (and more) to anyone who was ever his victim.

I'm sorry these figures are all gone before a normal American life expectancy, but at least we live in a culture where we can come to terms with loss and mortality by seeing it reflected in our cultural icons. We all have to come to terms with death, eventually. Doing it via celebrity deaths is one "channel" or "resource" to do it. Works for me.